My Self Image Battle

I realized, a shirt time back that my mom has issues with anorexia. She barely eats.  She had professed this to me one day after I professed to her that I was battling anorexia and wanted it to end. 

That was just over a year ago. I had since then forgot her actually professing it until recently. 

For several years I have had eating disorders. At one time I tried the up-chuck method. It did not work. At all. Unless I am already very very nauseaus I can not make myself sick. 

During pregnancy it didn't hit me as hard, but now I am two months postpartum. And I'm still about two or three inches too big for my pre-Preggy jeans. A small side of me is thinking my hips are just wider after giving birth. 

But my tummy is not toned as it was, nor my legs or arms. 

I have barely ate in the past two or three weeks, partially because I am very busy lately. 

But I have noticed a huge decline in my energy. I'm finally noticing the meals I'm not eating and the water I'm not drinking. It's not too good. 

Mostly because I am breastfeeding my little one. I NEED that hydration and those nutrients. 

Social media pressures suggest I should be thin with curves. It's not easy when you're working almost 40hrs split shifts at one job, and have a two month old. This is not a post for pitty or free meals. This is a public post so that I can hold myself accountable along with the few of you who read this. 

That's all I have to write at the moment, I have a date tonight(more on that later) and I need to clean, grab a few outfits and head to my fantastic sitters house so that they can help me get ready. 

First date in a year, at a little loss for wardrobe choices.