Just a quick {update}

Things are good.
I feel good.

Really though, this morning has felt... like... like I can breathe! Of course the simple fact of it being a Wednesday and not Tuesday or Thursday helps quite a bit.
I can breathe.

Read that again, just one more time; okay make it two.
The second time read those three words slowly, and as if you yourself feel like you can finally breathe once everyone in the dog-pile gets off of you and you finally have your breath after running as hard and as fast as you could for five minutes.

Do you understand now?

The feeling is so relieving, and exciting.
and terrifying. 

'What? Girl, why you sayin' it's terrifying??' (that's you asking me)
Because that means that at any moment the creeping fog will come in full force. Maybe slowly, maybe fast, maybe lightly or maybe so thick you can't see through it. That is why I try not to think about those moments where everything feels great, I can breathe and the mornings are smooth.

I have, however, been attempting to pay more attention to what I'm feeling these past few days so that I can provide a decent analysis for those of you reading. Over the past few days I've been feeling better, lighter if you will.

  (The weather is beautiful today, which also helped to keep my mood up. It's tremendously important to get out for even a few moments; especially when the sun is shining and the wind is beautiful.)

I've been taking vitamins regularly, incorporating supposed depression-fighting foods into my diet, as well as making it a point to ride my bicycle again. This morning there was even enough time to wake up to do a quick routine of morning yoga. (which I'll be doing again this evening as I've noticed my hips are getting a little tight.)

(We all know one of my strong points is confidence and over exaggerated vanity. Which is a bi-product of hiding my depression for so long...  Yet with that being said, it's important to find beauty in yourself. It's important to be silly and goofy.)

Unfortunately as hard as I try to keep some sort of routine going in my life it doesn't seem to fully stick. It's there, it's just not... exceedingly consistent. I'm currently seeing a handsome young man whom I find a little bit of comfort in his routine; it's actually a huge help for me. It's comforting and relaxing to know that I can rely on the knowledge of when I will hear from him. Yes it sounds silly, but it's true. I'm making a large conscious effort to build and maintain a set-ish schedule and routine. Apparently routines are a big help in our battle.
Thus far I know that keeping 2-3calenders is a big help for me staying on track. In each of them (well I try to keep them all synced) my attempts are to have most of my day scheduled, of course with room for movement.
For example I have:

• Morning yoga
• Shower
• Wake-up/Start getting LittleMiss ready
• Leave
• Study Time
• Class.....

and so forth... Keep in mind each day is different, this is a simple rubric I attempt to keep.

This all leads to....

Rule Four:
Establish some sort of a routine for yourself. Read my above routine again if that gives you so help. Keep it simple and short to start with. Maybe wake up every morning at a set time, follow it with morning reading/yoga/coffee/tea/walk what have you. Maybe take lunch at a within a set time frame everyday (such as between 1130 and 130, giving you wiggle room should something come up to hinder your leaving time). Maybe, just maybe your routine needs to be reading or journaling for thirty minutes everyday. 
Don't worry if at first it doesn't stick. This is all trial and error, do not, do not  stress about setting up and find your routine. Starting small is always easiest, always best. By starting small we are able to find what really works for us, what truly fits the best. 

;

{14months}

Where oh where has my little babe gone?

She's grown to big for her summer-time clothes.

She understands big words and (mostly) follows direction.
Favorite Foods: Apple.
Most enjoyed past-time: Walking.

But doing baby-version of sprinting is really fun as well. Oh and one of my many proud mommy moments: LittleMiss is now giving high-fives.

She occasionally understands her colors.

And her vocabulary is growing so quickly.

It's been an interesting month, learning new forms of self-expression, meeting new family members, learning new boundaries. Lets not forget the new personality quirks.
Walking around, pretending to talk on the phone.
Sharing, or at least acting like she is going to share...then taking the food away before mommy gets a real bite...
Cleaning.

It's been so amazing watching my little doll grow into a walking-talking-thinking toddler.

And I am so full of love for her.

Where oh where has the time gone??

Two months 10days (about four hours and 13minutes) ago is when I was blessed with a personal living talking breathing heater.

(I call her my heater, because she keeps me warm, and right now is burning me up. But she is cool, so I'm not worried.)

Right now she is snuggled in the crook of my left arm as we lay on the couch. The tv is on, her swing is rocking back in fourth in loneliness because I stole the baby and forgot to turn it off. In an attempt of revenge its makes it clicking noise annoying my right ear(the ear that is closest). My cellphone is on the counter in the kitchen charging. There are probably a few text messages and missed phone calls, but I'm soaking up my cuddle time.

I am working at a restaurant now, as well as looking forward to the start of being a baker for a local coffee shop. It surprises me how easily I fell back into being a waitress, but it surprises me even more that of the mothers that I work with, I seem to be the only one who is overly excited about going home to my baby at the end of my shift. (God knows, I probably am wrong, but I've noticed I'm the only one who vocalizes the excitement.)

I brag on my LittleMiss. The tables I wait on even get to hear about her. How her giggles light up my day, how she can change my mood for the better without trying, her first word was 'hi', she's working on 'ello', she's started making the 'mmm' sound which excites me because it's so close to 'mommy', how I can tell when she wakes up in a good mood or when I know she doesn't feel well. Or how I know she's sleepy because her little eyebrows get red, or how much I love her sleepy baby eyes when she gets sleepy. And that she gave her Kunkle (also her godfather) the bird for the first time and thought it was hysterical (thank goodness he caught a photo!!).

My first week of work was so very stressful! Every day, every shift I had LittleMiss had a different sitter. Tuesday, SOA night, Kunkle walked into my apartment after picking LittleMiss up for me and saw me crying on the couch. I was beyond stressed, I was missing LittleMiss, I was tired/exhausted, and I was angry after locking my keys in my car.

Thank God my car insurance covers locking my keys in my car. Thank God for blessing me with an amazing church. Kunkle reassured me that LittleMiss knew who I was, she may not register the emotion of love, but she knew me even when she was with her sitters. He also informed me that she is probably more loved than some children who have both parents and huge families. Everyone who has watched her loves her, and me. She is cared for, she is adored and she is loved.

And that helped more than words can express.

I envy stay at home moms. I would love to be one, but that is not in my cards at the moment. So instead I am busting my a** to provide for my daughter. If it came down to it I would sell all of MY possessions (MINE, not hers. Except for those four duplicate cloth diapers she has. Those don't count. Or those disposable Honest diapers that are too small now.)
Anyways, it won't always be like this. I know that, my future is bright because I believe in Jesus. I will embrace my trials as the book of James suggests. I know more will come.

So single mommies, remember always that your little one(s) are beyond worth the tears and struggles you will face. Every morning I wake up, blessed to have another day with LittleMiss.

Hey there!

Oh this is just a little update. :)

Wanted to say hi!

Gardening

I love plants. I love gardens. I love greenery.
When I first moved to my (now) apartment I bought some Iceberg roses, two ferns, and two things of mint.

What do I have left?

Cheap (pregnancy) Pamper

Everyone is addicted to Pinterest. Why not? There are tons of cute ideas, inspirations and how-to's for stuff you don't even need.

Girls we tend to go to the beauty tab quite a lot!! There are tons of ideas and such for us!! I love nail designs! But I don't like the smells of the nail salons, or the prices. I may not have a ton of polishes at home but I do love what I have!!

Hair Experiment #1

I meant to post this a LOT earlier. Like the day after I did it. But low and behold, work, school and the want of a TON of sleep kinda got in the way. :/

So since the pregnancy (and we'll go ahead and blame it on the weather too) I have had dry skin. Everywhere. My feet are worse than usual, my hands, my legs, I've even started having dandruff. Which is a huge pain in the butt. I don't even wash my hair every day; once, twice maybe three times a week.

While looking at Pinterest (of course) I ran across something that said egg yolks were great for hair.

Light bulb.

So I saved up some yolks, roughly six of them. I believe. Too be honest, I don't really like to eat the yolks; when scrambled they smell like a wet dog, they have the most cholesterol of the whole egg, they tend to be difficult to make over medium and I can't stand over easy.

My hair is MUCH MUCH shorter than a few weeks ago so all I needed was six. If your hair is longer than just above the shoulder you will need more yolks.

 

Now just carefully put the yolks that are still intact in your hair first. They are easier to control. Also make sure you have a shirt on that you don't care if it gets messy. Be prepared to have yolk dripping everywhere. I did this over my bathroom sink.

I was planning on pulling it up and putting it in a shower cap, if you want to then go for it. But I found that my short hair didn't need one.

I applied the yolks to the top first, trying to coat the sides and the same time. Then flipped my hair over to get the underside. This is where it gets messy.

What I thought was really interesting is how much like hairspray this is!!! It's also pretty entertaining. The yolks will dry fairly fast, I ended up leaving them in my hair for far too long, about four hours. I suggest just leaving it in for one hour.

My hair right before I jumped in the shower. The yolks were very dry and very difficult to get out of my hair. I had to apply shampoo about three times to try and make sure I had it all out. Even after the shower there were still a few pieces I had to brush out. But my hair was a lot smoother and this whole week I haven't had to deal with dandruff at all.

 

 

If you give this a try contact me and let me know what you think! Or how it worked for you!

Thanksgiving Photos!!

look at that smile!!

PaPa and Lil J!(my nephew)

add about five or six more people to the equation and you have us all!

Poor baby did not leave my side. I'm not sure WHAT the kids fed him but he was so very sick today! Poor baby! At first I was pretty frustrated, but I was more worried to be honest.

Me being tortured! Two kids were braiding my hair and the one in purple wanted me to braid her hair. Do you know how hard it is to braid someones hair while you have TWO kids braiding yours??? it ain't easy. ;)

(photo graph by lil girl in purple)

(photo graph by lil girl in purple)

my awesome work!

I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving. I know first hand that the holidays are difficult and stressful. Family members don't always get together, food gets burned, things are spilt...so on and so on. But at the end of it, it usually ends well. We leave with memories, some bad, most good. We also get a whole new year  to be thankful for new and old things.

Peacock wasn't able to make it to my family feast, which while it sucks, I still had fun. I know his family feast wasn't the best, but I know he still had a few fun moments. Plus I know his little boy had fun.

If you follow me on twitter you'll have seen a few pictures and a few posts on lost of food!! Ugh I was sooo stuffed and so thankful for my lactaid pills. I popped around four yesterday!! and they helped!!


Well I am going to get back to working on Christmas Presents!! Sweet Dreams Y'all!!!

#78 completed!

I did it. I joined  3groups on meetup.com

Books and Booze
Lindy Hop, Swing and Jazz Dance
Party with a Purpose for shelter animals


I am excited to go to my first meet for any of these!!

Proof!! haha


So I talked to Momma this morning, both she and my step-daddy like Peacock. Step-Daddy called him Richard Gere.

And then talked about how dangerous a 'cute couple' like he and I are. I laughed. A lot. But it did make me happy that he passed the initial meeting of the parents test. 

This past Weekend

It was so much fun!!
Saturday was a blast. I was supposed to meet my best friend Miss Oklahoma at her grandparents apartment to watch the hog game. Well I am just about to leave my apartment when I receive a text from Miss Oklahoma, she tells me that she has tickets for the hog game!! So we ACTUALLY went to the game! It was a lot of fun! It was my FIRST college football game! We went with Papa, and had a really good time(it was his first HOG game too!).

Miss.Oklahoma, Papa, Me!

Miss. Oklahoma went to get popcorn!

It's actually a rubber chicken!!

I ended up beating Miss. Oklahoma and papa back to Papa and Nana's apartment, and while waiting for them and watching an old seventies tv show with Nana, I fell asleep on the couch. It was a good... 15? minute nap!

i miss her already!!!

Then Sunday rolled around and I went to work....

i see you...

It was funny to see all the regulars come in and tell me they had thought I had quit. I think it's funny that they don't ask my coworkers if I had quit or not. It's just a simple question. 

After work I drove up to my mommys house and watched the Walking Dead with my step-daddy. It was a good episode! It made me mad(I stomped my feet on the floor) and I almost cried. I was also texting a friend of mine(PD) and Peacock(the boyfriend, it's a perfectly fitting inside joke name. :] ). It was funny because neither of them were watching it. So all they got were "WTF??" 's, and "OMG OMG OMGOSH" 's! I then preceded to spend some time with mommy after the show, she will NEVER watch the Walking Dead. 

It was a very fun night. I'm really glad that I am so close with my family. I hope you guys have a great Tuesday, DONT FORGET TO VOTE!!!

(I'm sure there is a bit of curiosity towards Peacock, and there will be a post about that soon.)

Gluten Filled Cookies

Totally listening to Alex Clare TOO CLOSE, some how it fits. Total secret that no one knows, this song reminds me of SAA and I. Not entirely sure why, all I know is we aren't as compatible as either of us would like.

(the song came on on random for spotify, just to let ya know )

Well I found out one of the members of the gym is on the swat team for my area, and he is really nice. He was telling me about his dogs and all. After seeing End of Watch I realized how little people do to show their thanks for our local heroes; cops, fire fighters, medics, doctors ect. So I offered to make him some cookies. Since I have never made a gluten free cookie (yet I just went for it and did my classic chocolate chip (gluten filled) cookie. These things used to sell like crazy in high school. The officer requested blue m&ms so I bought a bag and picked out the blue ones, and set aside the red ones to make for the fire fighters.

I really hope they turned out well, I haven't made them in a few years! But I definitely miss baking, and can not wait to fine tune my skills in the gluten free world!!

On a completely random note, I just realized a lot of my relationship problems one: stem from my parents and two: from my lack of self worth.... I'm gonna need to work on that. :)

Hope you guys have a great Thursday!! (it's my FRIDAY!!!)

New Work Out Routine

Oh goodness..
Good-good-goodness..

Oliver and I are finally getting on the same page.
ONE: He does not like small spaces.

Example 1:tore his cage up. from the inside.

TWO: He will not walk up stairs.


But he does great out in the openness of the apartment. The apartment which I already want to change again, furniture wise anyways. I'm craving a purple sofa, a round dining table, and an iron head board. The last two will happen, I've got to just get some purple accessories instead of a sofa. As much as I love purple, I don't know that I could handle a purple sofa for too long.

So I'm pretty sure I gained like six pounds last week. Hence the NO weight-loss photos!


Which brings us to the new work out routine:

*Walking Oliver every morning and night, about half a mile(I think I'm not good at guesstimation).
*Carrying Oliver up FOUR flights of stairs.
*At least three times a week going to the gym.
*Running at least four times a week. I"m going to start training for a marathon.


Now the new Diet:

*No gluten. My body honestly doesn't like it. SO the most I'll have it is once a week.
*Barely ANY dairy, unless it's organic and even barely then.
*Only organic meat.
*And the KEY: as much LOCAL as possible.


This girl is kinda goin' hippy.

Picture Post

Here are a few fun pictures! Definitely still not in the best over all mood but these are some pretty fun pictures that I think you will enjoy.