Where oh where has the time gone??

Two months 10days (about four hours and 13minutes) ago is when I was blessed with a personal living talking breathing heater.

(I call her my heater, because she keeps me warm, and right now is burning me up. But she is cool, so I'm not worried.)

Right now she is snuggled in the crook of my left arm as we lay on the couch. The tv is on, her swing is rocking back in fourth in loneliness because I stole the baby and forgot to turn it off. In an attempt of revenge its makes it clicking noise annoying my right ear(the ear that is closest). My cellphone is on the counter in the kitchen charging. There are probably a few text messages and missed phone calls, but I'm soaking up my cuddle time.

I am working at a restaurant now, as well as looking forward to the start of being a baker for a local coffee shop. It surprises me how easily I fell back into being a waitress, but it surprises me even more that of the mothers that I work with, I seem to be the only one who is overly excited about going home to my baby at the end of my shift. (God knows, I probably am wrong, but I've noticed I'm the only one who vocalizes the excitement.)

I brag on my LittleMiss. The tables I wait on even get to hear about her. How her giggles light up my day, how she can change my mood for the better without trying, her first word was 'hi', she's working on 'ello', she's started making the 'mmm' sound which excites me because it's so close to 'mommy', how I can tell when she wakes up in a good mood or when I know she doesn't feel well. Or how I know she's sleepy because her little eyebrows get red, or how much I love her sleepy baby eyes when she gets sleepy. And that she gave her Kunkle (also her godfather) the bird for the first time and thought it was hysterical (thank goodness he caught a photo!!).

My first week of work was so very stressful! Every day, every shift I had LittleMiss had a different sitter. Tuesday, SOA night, Kunkle walked into my apartment after picking LittleMiss up for me and saw me crying on the couch. I was beyond stressed, I was missing LittleMiss, I was tired/exhausted, and I was angry after locking my keys in my car.

Thank God my car insurance covers locking my keys in my car. Thank God for blessing me with an amazing church. Kunkle reassured me that LittleMiss knew who I was, she may not register the emotion of love, but she knew me even when she was with her sitters. He also informed me that she is probably more loved than some children who have both parents and huge families. Everyone who has watched her loves her, and me. She is cared for, she is adored and she is loved.

And that helped more than words can express.

I envy stay at home moms. I would love to be one, but that is not in my cards at the moment. So instead I am busting my a** to provide for my daughter. If it came down to it I would sell all of MY possessions (MINE, not hers. Except for those four duplicate cloth diapers she has. Those don't count. Or those disposable Honest diapers that are too small now.)
Anyways, it won't always be like this. I know that, my future is bright because I believe in Jesus. I will embrace my trials as the book of James suggests. I know more will come.

So single mommies, remember always that your little one(s) are beyond worth the tears and struggles you will face. Every morning I wake up, blessed to have another day with LittleMiss.

Friends

When single and pregnant, friends are a little harder to stay in touch with. It's nothing against your and nothing against them, it is just a simple fact. Right now you are preparing for a little one on the way, easily exhausted or tired, not much for mobility and you probably get grouchy easy!

Weekly Funny

I'm starting a new post. 'Weekly Funny'. At least once a week I will be posting things that actually happened (mostly to me). Some of you might not find most of them entertaining, some of you might.

Rainy Evening

This is probably going to be one of those really long posts that attempt(or may even be) just a bunch of ramblings from the heart that I won't care if I edit or not(except the misspelled words..hate those..).

It's been a while since I've let my fingers do the typing and my heart the writing. For those of you who know me or have caught on, I love rainy days. They bring out my creative side, my in-tune side. Rainy days are fantastic for cuddling, turning off the tv, a few logs in the fire place, maybe a warm cup of hot coco, and that person that you are thinking of right now; the one you want to cuddle and not let go. Isn't it funny that while I described the scene it was you who put it all together and chose the person you would like to have your arms wrapped around?

Sadly, I have no one to wrap my arms around. Peacock and I have decided to take a break. I have a lot of stress with work, school, family in poor health while he also has his own stresses right now. I don't know if we will get back together, but I can't make myself stop hoping. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that's the truth. I miss him. Maybe it's just with-drawls, the not having a goodmorning text to wake up to, sweet dream text to fall asleep after or the random 'how has your day been' texts to get me through my day. I may not know what's going to happen or where we are going to end up but God does.

I've thought long and hard on the situation. I never wanted to hurt him, he never wanted to hurt me. Somewhere along the road we were both stung, by previous relationships as well as ours. One day we'll be able to get over it all, just like everyone else out there who has had that sting that is still sore to the touch.

I am beyond thankful for my family and my friends. I have been blessed more than I realized with them. Miss Oklamhoma and I have been talking A LOT more, something I think we both need and keeps us sane! She is living a life that I am proud of for her. One that she is happy with, very happy with. I also have MM, who is like my big brother! He and I don't talk as much as we used to but I know with out a shadow of a doubt that he will always be there for me, and vise versa. He is in a new relationship that makes him sooo happy, he smiles so much more now than when he used to. I'm also thankful for my Mom and Step-Dad, we haven't always gotten along, but we have gotten very close in the recent years. I'm thankful for all of my family on the West Coast. I never see enough of them and crave to go home to them as much as I can. No matter what my cousins are always positive, my dad always teaches me something new and so does my Aunt. I wish I could talk to my grampa more, but the time differences makes that a little hard.

He and my late grandma didn't have the worlds best relationship, but they loved each other so much. Stuck it out thick and thin. I miss her a lot also. Since she past my other grandmother and I have grown a lot closer. I refuse to miss an oppurtunity to spend time with my grandparents, talk and learn from them as much as I can. My Gammy E. lives in California with her husband(newly weds!). Talking about all of my west Coast family is making me terribly home sick.

Don't get me wrong, Arkansas has a large portion of my heart and always will. After all I learned a little(not enough) about cars, hunting and becamevery intune with my country side, but California will always have a home feeling for me. One that I will never be able to shake. Who knows, like I've mentioned a few times before, I may end up back there. Maybe the coast, maybe more inland, maybe just a vacation home. ;]

I'm getting cold...which by proxy brings my back to relationships. No matter what age you are you will one day learn that you don't need to be completed; what you need is to be complimented. That the person whom you are with should not be needed by you, they should be wanted. Especially for the girls out there. While I do believe the man is the head of the household, I believe that a woman should still be able to be independent.

I also believe that I am suddenly terribly tired. I'm sorry I didn't ramble more, I honestly meant to. But the rainy weather is draining me... ugh.

sweet dreams ya'll.

Suri

So I'm sitting on my patio listening as SAA's iPhone 4s tells him the words he messes up on a text. It's almost entertaining. What's even better thy that is how my whole day/night went.

We'll start with the AM:
Woke up, made breakfast looked for a car and it was fucking hot. Very hot and humid.
Found a great car! Well I fell in love. Still has to go through one more persons approval before I say okay done. It's a beautiful blue four door VW station wagon. Love it. 2002.
Had some yummy raspberry chai frappe style tea. Along with some VERY coated in chocolate covered coffee beans.
Went to work. Had a great day at work. Everyone was in a great mood. Loved it.
Left work. Went home changed. Went to BWW hung out with some nerds. LOVE my terrific nerd friends.
Invited a person I was kinda interested out to our local watering whole. Had a blast at BWW.
Left to go to the pub, said person of interest showed up.


I literally ran from him. SAA can attest to that. Not lying.

Way way to clingy and affectionate. I think by now y'all know I do not to a lot of affection. Especially with some one I have barely known for a week.

Well then I drive a slightly Intoxicated SAA to his house as he is my ride to work in the beautiful AM. It was fun. He had a crazy cute weird rat. And pretty nice house.

We drive to McDonald's and I was called out for talkin shit in the drive threw. It was funny I had never been embarrassed IN a drive through before. Then I almost fell asleep waiting for the food.

We get home. Sit on the patio eat our food and all of a sudden this car pulls up.
Im like who is that? That car doesn't live here.

Low and behold it was said person of interest.

He
Drove
To
My apartment
At
Three Am!!!! Wtf??

Not a happy camper.

Buuuut.

I'm getting sleepy. So please excuse the typos because I am sure there are many. So I'll finish the rest if my crazy July sixth night at some point on July seventh.




Sweet dreams.

Picture Post

Here are a few fun pictures! Definitely still not in the best over all mood but these are some pretty fun pictures that I think you will enjoy.

Mockingjay

"Well MP I just finished the mockingjay and I think you would really like the series. It's grabbing and not as predictable as I had thought.
It was cute. I sat in a chair in the dining room covered in a blanket my grandmother had sewn. The chair is next to an old cast iron stove. Duke, my grandfathers dog only left his spot from laying in front of me when the other (idiotic) dogs thought there was something to bark at, even then he was only gone a few seconds. What did get annoying is how protective he is. Duke does not like the other dogs when he is guarding me.
It's actually bitter sweet because I think springer spaniels are a superb breed. But I'm not happy about how overly protective they are. We have come to a few conclusions on this behavior though. (the one I am thinking is the most accurate) one is that he can't stand my aunts other four dogs anymore than the rest of us and since he is a dog he sees her as the leader of one of the most worthless packs ever. The other is that he is a dog that doesn't like other dogs.
And for the record the petals fell as I was reading my book so I used what I had for a photo opp. ;) but the petals really should be white.



Also if any series can have me tear up at multiple times in each book, it's pretty good.

I hope you have a very uneventful flight!! Can't wait to hear from you when you land!

Sent from my iPhone"

Here is a picture of my chair I mentioned and the email I sent to a very very good friend of mine who is finally on his way home from Afghanistan. Not his home home, but where he is stationed in Hawaii.
He is a fantastic guy. :)

Oh and as to my aunts dogs. I think they are all very cute...when apart and not all together. Honestly very very cute!

Wednesday Short Story

Well technically it's Thursday but I won't tell if you don't.. ;)

•I am enjoying my promotion. Even with the stress
•I am so thankful to have firefighter friends I can take my extra food I will never eat too.
•loving my iPhone4.
•I'm immensely enjoying the start of the summer nights. I'm sitting on my balcony finishing up the rough-rough draft of my english paper. It feels fantastic(I'm wearing running shirts and a sweatshirt :] ).
•I'm buying furniture tomorrow(or Friday, probably tomorrow)!!!
•I've decided I am probably going to paint a three rooms of my apartment.
•I've decided that even though i have some amazing friends in Washington county, I need a few more in Benton county..
•lookie what I bought!!!