2016

Every new year hold the sparkle of excitement, newness, and wonder.
Yet the 2016 is holding the sparkle of beautiful and exciting wanderlust.

With the New Year there is already a loose yet slightly substantial schedule of things I'm so eager to accomplish, see, create, and achieve. It is all so exciting; I can't wait for January 1st to arrive so I can take everyone on the amazing journey it will be!

Do you hear that?

It's raining, and it sounds beautiful.

Well aside from the Lord of the Rings The Return of the King that is currently playing in the background.

But it is still raining and it sounds beautiful. LittleMiss is sleeping. Ludwig is curled up next to me. And I'm about to crawl into bed. This is my last day of being a lazy mom, a depressed mom, and a messy home...renter. I've been very reflective and inflective as of late. Quite a few Exciting things have taken place, a few I can't share and a few I can.

Busy Day Ahead

Well the Storage Unit has decided to cut back my hours starting with the rest of this week. It's definitely stressful, but I am hitting the ground running with the business I just partnered with. It's so excited to be able to help other people while ensuring that my daughter will have a great future with health, financially and environmentally, and be able to help my parents as well. Can you tell I'm pretty excited??

I have my breastfeeding class today! I'm excited it's finally here! Excited and annoyed really... Hopefully I will receive my breast pump today!! But I will definitely be receiving my WIC checks, it's great because I need to go grocery shopping too! I'm annoyed because they are making me take the class. Granted I can see the benefits of the class. It's just that only after I have taken the class will I receive more on my WIC checks. At least that is the impression I am under, we will see... My mom will be attending the class with me, from our short conversation this morning I can tell we are probably going to be fighting.

Doing This Alone

  I want to cry but the tears won't come out. Yes this is 50% my fault. I take blame. But I miss my body. I miss being able to lay on my stomach or back to sleep. I miss being able to run. I miss wearing size 5jeans. And my belly button. I liked it when it was more of an innie.
 I have these stretch marks multipling on my thighs. My finances are terrifing me.

Rambling/Head Spinning

Today is obviously May 17. Which means I have just under 3months.
Just.
Under.
Three Months.

THREE.

I just feel like sitting and staring at a piece of blank wall. At the same time I want to clean and organize the nursery or the kitchen or make some paper or go for a walk or crawl into a ball under the crib and just stay there to hide for a little while.

One Phone Call is All it Every Takes

Pretty much all of you know that I am originally from California. Most of my family is there. Actually almost all of my family is there.

And I miss them terribly.

Whenever I go back some how or other I meet a ton of relatives I never knew existed. Or when dad calls, he informs me of a new family members.

Anyways, I miss California. The debate to move back has began again. Yes the cost of living is higher, but so is the pay so that it's (relatively) affordable. I have learned pretty well how to budget, I know I have tons of family that can offer fantastic advice. Best places to live, work, school, etc.  There are some great schools out there.

But before I start applying for schools, or looking for housing and jobs. I have two different things to find out:

1. Will I be able to move the baby out of state?
2.Will my college credits transfer?

Not to mention:

What do I take with me?
What do I sell to have money for said move?
Should I attempt to obtain a job here that will transfer me?

Quite a few questions to answer.

((I'm going to go ahead and warn you that this will be a bit of a ramble post...))

There are several DIY things I can do to sell so that I can make extra money for myself, my baby and the move.

Wow guys, I think this is going to happen. Actually happen. More than likely though, I'll move after the baby is born. The move will be so much easier and less stressful then. Don't get me wrong it WILL be stressful, just less so.

Okay then, the planning starts now; I've got a few months to get it all together.

Wish me luck!

Rainy Evening

This is probably going to be one of those really long posts that attempt(or may even be) just a bunch of ramblings from the heart that I won't care if I edit or not(except the misspelled words..hate those..).

It's been a while since I've let my fingers do the typing and my heart the writing. For those of you who know me or have caught on, I love rainy days. They bring out my creative side, my in-tune side. Rainy days are fantastic for cuddling, turning off the tv, a few logs in the fire place, maybe a warm cup of hot coco, and that person that you are thinking of right now; the one you want to cuddle and not let go. Isn't it funny that while I described the scene it was you who put it all together and chose the person you would like to have your arms wrapped around?

Sadly, I have no one to wrap my arms around. Peacock and I have decided to take a break. I have a lot of stress with work, school, family in poor health while he also has his own stresses right now. I don't know if we will get back together, but I can't make myself stop hoping. I know that sounds ridiculous, but that's the truth. I miss him. Maybe it's just with-drawls, the not having a goodmorning text to wake up to, sweet dream text to fall asleep after or the random 'how has your day been' texts to get me through my day. I may not know what's going to happen or where we are going to end up but God does.

I've thought long and hard on the situation. I never wanted to hurt him, he never wanted to hurt me. Somewhere along the road we were both stung, by previous relationships as well as ours. One day we'll be able to get over it all, just like everyone else out there who has had that sting that is still sore to the touch.

I am beyond thankful for my family and my friends. I have been blessed more than I realized with them. Miss Oklamhoma and I have been talking A LOT more, something I think we both need and keeps us sane! She is living a life that I am proud of for her. One that she is happy with, very happy with. I also have MM, who is like my big brother! He and I don't talk as much as we used to but I know with out a shadow of a doubt that he will always be there for me, and vise versa. He is in a new relationship that makes him sooo happy, he smiles so much more now than when he used to. I'm also thankful for my Mom and Step-Dad, we haven't always gotten along, but we have gotten very close in the recent years. I'm thankful for all of my family on the West Coast. I never see enough of them and crave to go home to them as much as I can. No matter what my cousins are always positive, my dad always teaches me something new and so does my Aunt. I wish I could talk to my grampa more, but the time differences makes that a little hard.

He and my late grandma didn't have the worlds best relationship, but they loved each other so much. Stuck it out thick and thin. I miss her a lot also. Since she past my other grandmother and I have grown a lot closer. I refuse to miss an oppurtunity to spend time with my grandparents, talk and learn from them as much as I can. My Gammy E. lives in California with her husband(newly weds!). Talking about all of my west Coast family is making me terribly home sick.

Don't get me wrong, Arkansas has a large portion of my heart and always will. After all I learned a little(not enough) about cars, hunting and becamevery intune with my country side, but California will always have a home feeling for me. One that I will never be able to shake. Who knows, like I've mentioned a few times before, I may end up back there. Maybe the coast, maybe more inland, maybe just a vacation home. ;]

I'm getting cold...which by proxy brings my back to relationships. No matter what age you are you will one day learn that you don't need to be completed; what you need is to be complimented. That the person whom you are with should not be needed by you, they should be wanted. Especially for the girls out there. While I do believe the man is the head of the household, I believe that a woman should still be able to be independent.

I also believe that I am suddenly terribly tired. I'm sorry I didn't ramble more, I honestly meant to. But the rainy weather is draining me... ugh.

sweet dreams ya'll.

Phone Addicts

Have you ever noticed how more and more people are becoming more and more addicted to their phones? I've always noticed, but never realized just how bad I am.

A member of the gym offered to give me their old screen off of there phone since they had a new one and put it on mine. We had a little hick up when there was miss-communication that I have a 4 not a 4s(wish I did though! ;] ) But everything went well, until the end. When the screen would turn on but the touch wouldn't work. So he is going to give it another go tonight, if it still doesn't work then Peacock is going to give me a substitute phone until this one is fixed. He's pretty awesome.

Which by the way...well Let me finish my technology rant....

I hate, absolutely HATE,when I see a couple out and they are both on their phones. Really?? Can you not find something, something in this world of MILLIONS of things to talk about?? Yes I understand, they could be looking for something to prove a point or just happened to have just gotten on their phones. But that is not always the case. Pinterest, facebook, chive, iFunny, and the list goes on and on of apps that people have just become engrossed in. Don't get me wrong I love me some pinterest, and my family mostly communicates via facebook, I even used to love Chive.

When ever Peacock comes over and we're watching a movie then turn to our electronics(yes I am included), after a few minutes I tend to make a (snide) remark about how much I love that we aren't even talking, we're just playing on our gadgets. It usually works; we either go back to our movie or pick some sort of topic to talk about.


Now on to my next topic.

I care about Peacock. A lot.

I managed to invest more and begin to care a lot more about him than I meant to or wanted to right now. He knows this, I told him last night. He is going through a lot of stress right, and we are going to take a step back. Not a big one, but one that will take a bit of stress off of him, until he can have all of this stress(as much as he can anyways) gone. We are still going to talk and hang out when we can, but not quite as much.  I hope this is making sense, I'm reading it and it barely is to me.

Peacock and I care a great deal about each other. There is no getting around that. He can calm me down and make me laugh at the same time faster than anyone else I know. He's been fantastic so far. Not saying he's perfect, but neither am I. We've had a tiff or two, but we're human. We've grown together from them, not apart.



Lets see other than that...Work is going great. The holiday cheer has really made everyone (members and staff) a bit jollier than usual.


Hope y'all have a great TUESDAY.

Spring In December

It is beyond beautiful outside.

And no one can believe that this weather is actually happening.

haha You won't hear me complain.

Peacock and I sat out on the patio for a little while last night until I got too cold. It was nice. We had loaded the wood up from car, I couldn't quit laughing. It was cute to see him carry it all. I started getting the sniffles and sneezes yesterday morning after getting to work. I'm not a happy camper. But Peacock did get me a yummy Peppermint Mocha from McDonalds and cuddled me while we watched New Guy. He also informed me several times that I am pretty cute when I'm sick.

Also that I can be needy and mean. But he started it... ;)

Walking Dead was (obviously) on last night. We made the trek up to my parents house and watched it with my Step-Daddy. Ugh. I am so annoyed with Andrea. I mean COME ON GIRL!!! Love makes people blind  but surely she isn't already that stupid. The Governor isn't even that cute. It was obvious he had issues before he killed the military boys(which pissed me the heck off) or showed that his daughter was a captive zombie.
When Michelone unhooked the zombie daughter I kinda buried my head in Peacocks shoulder.

After the Walking Dead we had fun laughing with my parents. :)

By the way girls, in my opinion, a man should open the door for you at the least 9 out of 10 times. I don't care how independent you are don't get mad when they do. It's a sign of respect. Always has been always will. It's something you should come to except, especially if you're in a relationship or dating. Peacock always opens the car door for me. It's cute when he forgets and tries to beat me by opening it from the inside.

Women should have a sense of independence, know that you can take care of yourself, but also know that you deserve respect, gratitude and endearment. Just like men do. Your relatives, significant other, co workers and bosses. Most of the world has forget about those things. Which is sad.


I leave you with a funny text, this is from Friday. I was getting ready to go bowling.

I don't even know where that came from.

I hope you all have a fantastic Monday!!! I'm off to get some groceries and sit in the sauna.

Coach Potato

Ah the couch potato. I have not been one of those in a long time but hey here I am layin on the couch, texting and watching Teen Mom. 

Which by the way, whats her name...Amber? I'm worried she's fried her brain with drugs. As she sits there talking to her grief counselor she seems very stoned. I know that's a little harsh. 

I have a bunch of photos to upload. but it took about half an hour for me to upload about six of them to face book, so you will have to wait until tomorrow..

In the mean time I started my diet to today.. 

Then the end of the day happened and I crashed.

Why? You may ask.

I'll tell you:

About 750 a guest came into the store and I 'volunteered as tribute' ;) .They were a very friendly couple and I had absolutely no problem helping them. They even purchased a table and 8chairs and our repair/replace plan. Fantastic. :)

I didn't leave til about...930. I was starving. I ate 5cookies. I could barely stop myself. So my two days of starting the diet will be turned into four days. Woohoo. No pain no gain right?? Needless to say I was a little flustered after I left work. 

An old close friend of mine ended up texting me and asking if I wanted to go to dinner and catch up; I agreed. So we'll be meeting for dinner at 7pm tomorrow. I will be very strictly sticking to the diet. All I can eat is fish and two veggies. So that is all that's gonna happen. :)

I also can't believe I'm doing this but here are my Start Pictures. The Weight Loss pictures will be uploaded Sunday, Monday or Tuesday, you can guarantee one of those days. I don't know my starting weight. And I won't be using a scale for a while. Less pressure that way. Although come July 1st I will have to; we are doing a weight loss competition and it ends that day. 

Well I'm rambling so here are the pictures, I guess I should attempt to go to sleep after all I was just 

informed it's one in the morning. Don't know how that happened!!

This one was supposed to be cropped..thanks for failing me iPhone. 

Pardon my Emotions

I'm sure you greatly noticed how pathetic my last post was; but hey it happens.

As one of my best friends would say: I used my girl card.

(I'm still not entirely sure what that means..)

Anyways, as I'm sure you guess, I had to give my puppy doggy up. It is a hard but true fact. With my schedule being what it is, its not fair to her. She needs to be able to be a puppy dog and run and play and get all the love she can. So I gave her to a good friend of mine from high school. He has a ton of acres she can run and have fun on!
(I'll be honest, I did cry...a little...more than a little..)

Oh that "date" I was pretty excited about, pretty sure I was [in a sense] stood up. Yeah I give up on this guy. :/ I actually give up on all guys at this moment. My life will consist of focusing on school and work. And probably decorating my apartment.

(personal photo)

It's much more fun when they don't match.

The weight-loss challenge has been really fun. It's interesting to see how everyone is doing this and taking it so seriously. I'm proud of my co-workers, it's good to see that they do care about their health, and that we can work as a team. It's almost boosted morale, or maybe that's just spring... ;)

My sleeping pill helped a lot. I only woke up once, but was a little groggy this morning. Again though I have forgotten to take it. That will be happening soon. I'm hoping I can get on a sleep schedule, it would be a huge help. 

(I'm also going to invest in a LOT of lavender items! Shhh, don't tell ;]  )

Dolls,

I'm going to take my sleeping aid, and try to get some sleep. There's some chopping and snack packing I've got to do in the morning!!

Sweet Dreams!!

Moving. (Again)

I know in a few previous post from the past I talked about how this was going to be the last move and it would not be happening again; at least until my lease was up.

Well that bit me in the ass.

Two main reasons I moved to this apartment:
1.  Joshua and I were trying and things were going really good. He lives close. (That should be pretty damn self explanatory.

2. It sooo close to work. Literally the longest it's taken me to get to work is...8minutes??



I have a three bedroom two bathroom apartment. I've had four potential room mates bail out on me. Two of them had reasons I completely understand(so if he and she read this, then yes, I completely understand. love ya'll :]  ). The other two, yea I have no idea. I'm working on having someone take over my lease. They pretty much have until...well Tuesday to give me a final answer. Two people came to look at it, I just received  a text from a woman who will talk to her husband. So I'll let her know she has until Tuesday to give me a final answer.

I am very ready to get out of this apartment. It is way to much room for just Duchess and I. Not to mention I really can't handle being this close to Joshua. Like I said, I may have left, and I know that I hurt him. But I guess it's all catching up to me know. How he just dropped this all on me really got me.

So I will be moving over by the airport. I'm actually really excited. It's an amazing complex that is really community oriented. They've been around a little longer than this one, so they're a little more established. I'm sure the complex I'm moving from will be growing to doing more. Who knows. In all honesty, I am a single girl who lives by her self; it's really not that safe for me to be here alone. I'm much better off at the other complex.

I took a sleeping pill so I may be finished with this pretty quickly. I've, yet again, been having trouble sleeping these past few nights. It's really the weekends that get to me. I'm not really sure why, but all through the week I'll be fine and then bam. Saturday and Sunday are just not that great of days for me. It's a bit perplexing.

I still having my amazing Family support group, my Biological family support group and my work support group. I'm loved.  I just have to remember it.

One day this week I'll be taking my rings to a jewelry place to see how much I can get for them, and it should be a pretty good help. Even if it's not tons, anything will help while I'm trying to move. I'm also going to take the serving set that we used at the wedding. Who knows there may be a little silver in it. ;)


Work is still going great. I'm really blessed.
I hope everyone has a GREAT sunday!! I'll be doing a MUCH happier post... the NEXT post!! hahah

MiniBook??

If I posted everything I wanted to, well this would be just that: a mini book.

Good Lord, there are so many things going on right now.

Lets start with the good:

I am a MANAGER IN TRAINING!! what what?? Pretty awesome. Not gonna lie.
                                It's really exciting. I'm really really blessed to have moved as far as I have (and have to go).
I might have found a roommate!! Not going to count these eggs before they hatch. But still pretty excited.


Okay now on to the more bad. Josh is filing the papers. That's a long drawn out story that I would rather not go into tonight.


Oh another good: I have an amazing family. Both biological and bro/sis from another mother/father. hahaha get it??


oh gosh. Okay so be looking forward to some awesome etsy posts. and some awesome regular posts.


wooohooo.

Never Say Never

Well you know that saying?? "Never say Never"?? Yeah well it's pretty much true.

Josh and I had dinner last night. We talked for four and a half hours. The verdict is we will be giving it another shot. I am excited honestly, because God has been dealing with me on this for a few days. So we'll see how it all goes. We are going to start off slow, and with as fresh of a start as we can get. So like I said I'm kinda excited. :)

Lets see first day of classes were today! I have no idea why I was so scared before, but then again I was not as confident as I am now. I honestly think I am going to enjoy all of my classes, haha the THREE I'm taking. I just don't know what I was thinking taking a math class at 8in the morning that is an hour and fifty minutes long! But oh wells. I also need to invest in a printer :/

I was kind of rough drafting this before my last class seeing as I showed up half an hour early, but I can barely remember a darn thing.

Oh so I bought a really cute packpack (back pack) for school and a clutch so that I don't have to lug around my huge purse. It's cute and red. I'll add pictures later. Um,,,,Thursday! I am going to the Eric Church/Brantley Gilbert Concert with the Fam! So excited!

I had some coffee after my first class and oh boy did it give me the gitters. I was so horribly shaky and still am a little bit. It was pretty darn good though.

Okay I am to distracted with looking for books for school...gotsa go!

Thursday Ramblings

Well if you couldn't guess this post will be a tad ramble filled. I missed my Wednesday Short Story after all.

So I've been contemplating moving out, and I've made my mind up. I'll be moving in the summer, probably July or August. Which means I'll be home much more until then so that I can save up. Which will be just fine seeing as I need to be home more anyways.

I have decided to nix the fake nails, also a money saver and not dye my hair for all of 2012. The hair dyeing has nothing to do with saving money I just want to see what color it may try to grow out to be.

I think I may start structuring my blog posts. Certain days are certain things, like Wednesday Short Stories, Friday Weekly Loves, Monday WEEKEND Recaps, Tuesdays Accomplishments. I know I'm missing three days but I'll think of something I'm sure.

Lets see December was a really stressfull month, I'm pretty sure I gained 10pounds. Ouch that hurts to admit, but it happend. Well that and having a foot tattoo doesn't help much. So I think Monday with out a shadow of a doubt I will be hitting the gym pretty hard. And definitely changing my eating habits.

Oh goodness I really don't know what else to say, it's been a blah kind of day. Not a lot of motivation.

Ta-Ta for now dears. :)

Proud Big Sister

I have started so many rough drafts of blog posts, on paper, it's ridiculous. It really is and I'll probably through them all away after I type this up. Which has not been a rough draft this is off the cuff stuff. :)

Anyways, I have picked up my nannying job again!! I can't remember if I have every posted about this before but I am pretty sure I have not. So here is a little background, I was nannying for about eight weeks the last few months of 2011. It sadly ended in November. For completely understandable reasons, the little girl I nanny does horse riding and at the time I wasn't as comfortable around horses as I should have been and due to the time change they decided to go with her old nanny so the LG (the little girl) could continue her lessons. Well about two week ago they contacted me to see if I was interested in resuming my nannying. Oh boy was I! The same week I was let go from nannying I was let go from the restaurant I worked at. Not to mention I cried. LG is adorable, very smart and  very talented.

In fact I am listening to her practice piano. Pretty good if I do say so.

Hence the title of this post, I really do feel like a gloating and proud big sister.


Lets see...

So much has been going on. I have so many posts to write, I'm trying to actually stick to one topic and not ramble ramble ramble. But for the sake of arguement and it's been so long since I've posted I'm going to let it all out in this one. well most of it.

First off I am a little upset with LSU for not playing a strong game. Sure they kicked Bama but when it really mattered but I was expecting a little more fight.
Second off I have been come a new member of a "family" and community. Who I love with all of me. I'll dedicate a whole post to those crazy guys.
Third, I was in the newspaper last week! Woohoo. I was just the model really, for my work.
Fourth, I was third in sales last week.
Fifth, I have gained about ten pounds thanks to October. That will all be lost very very soon.
Sixth....I don't even remember. But I will be doing more regular blog posts.

That's really it for now...I hope ya'll had a great weekend!!