Learning to Live Again

I'm not sure if 'again' is correct, honestly. Although thinking about it, I haven't been near this happy since I was a kid before we moved out to Arkansas. 

It's seems that I have found some one who loves the outdoors, and adventures as much as I do. He has been teaching me a bit about cycling, great places to hike, and accepts my weirdness, as well as my child with open arms. He is his own person, who loves his children, as much as I love LittleMiss. 

Although things are new between he and I, his support of my love for adventure is helping to make it great. Yet this relationship isn't the only thing this post is about. 

See, I'm finally eating more, my depression doesn't consume me as frequently, my anxiety is not as high, and my creativity is resurfacing. I realized a few weeks ago that I have buried a large part of me down, attempting to kill off what makes me happy. Upon that realization, I knew had to do something to change it. I needed to live again. While being the primary caregiver to my beautiful baby girl will never not be my top priority, I have decided that doing what makes me happy is important as well. It too needs to be tended to. 

Riding my bicycle has been the biggest help yet. From short errands, to blowing off steam, I love how much confidence  in my riding I have gained over the past month. 

I've fallen in love with rock climbing and can not wait to join my best friend to climb again. 

Hiking is becoming a part of my life again, as well as simply walking around town, visiting new stores, meeting new people. 

I'm so excited to make several purchases for my new love of outside: kayaks, hammocks, bicycle gear...

While I haven't painted in over a month, I'll be picking up my brushes again this week to begin the fun once more. 

But on this short journey I've made thus far, I'm also realizing how closed off I am to people. While I am considered a people person, and I do enjoy social interaction, I have made sure to not let those new faces get closer that absolute face value. Maybe one day I'll go into detail as to what has driven me to be as such. 

The point is that I wouldn't mind making more friends, having more groups to hike, bike ride, or swim with. Ha! Or simply grab a cup of coffee to discuss a book or life. 

Yes there are sour apples of people out there, but that doesn't mean everyone deserves to be shut out. 

Even as such I find myself following the advice given to me by several people: daily forgiveness. Not only to those who have caused me great pain, but also of myself. It's not going end over night, but it is becoming easier day by day. 

So this is my promise to myself, and my tiny family, I am going to live again. I am going to go on adventures, continually trying new things, and not let bitterness win. I will reside in happiness, never allowing my anger to control me. 

"It is not the pursuit of happiness, but the happiness of pursuit."

Here we go again!

Being freshly single (again, honestly that's just a never ending story..), summer college courses starting today, and the best part: I'm finally happy with life. 

Maybe it's the being freshly single, sun is shining, had a great morning with LittleMiss talking, but I. Am. Happy. Since I have no idea when this glorious feeling will end I am riding this boat as long as I can. 

So of course here we go again with my promises of steady blogs posts, yet thankfully while parenting, homework and my job will be dominating my schedule I foresee several slots of time that I will be able to share tasty recipes, fun crafts, gardening and exciting outings. 

I hope everyone had an exciting weekend and didn't forget the real meaning of the extra day off. 

My seed-filled excitement!

Ohmygosh. 

So many beautiful and exciting seeds. I haven't ever started a plant from seeds so this is going to be a journey I will document almost as much as I document LittleMiss. 

To be safe I only did four seeds of these two packets, so that I wouldn't ruin my many others. Although I will probably be starting them soon. 

These girls are actually in some of my very own compost. It was a worm compost until the worms ran away from an accidental caffeine overdose. 

Keep your fingers crossed!!

Chilly Driveway Night

It's almost nine o'clock at night and I am sitting in my driveway. Car headlights still on, motor off. 

I'm tired but not sleepy. 

Tears are trying to run over the edges of my eyes. 

I just got off the phone with my parents who are watching my LittleMiss; who I am not exactly pleased with at the moment. The past month and a half has been a complete whirlwind and over all deep down I'm exhausted. 

The first night at my second job went great. I have a feeling I'm going to really enjoy it there! I'm excited for all the goals this job is going to help me reach. 

But it doesn't take away the fact that my parents are watching my daughter tonight, tomorrow morning, tomorrow night and Saturday night. Let's not forget they will probably watch her Sunday night as well as Sunday morning. It doesn't take away the fact that I am having to work two jobs to take of my tiny family (while paying off a "friends" debt). 

I can promise that tonight I will not be sleeping well. I will have at least one stuffed animal sleeping with me, a toddlers sound machine going and probably still wake up around 130(her usual 'mommy I want to nurse and play time'). It's amazing how much someone so tiny can meet to you. 

Eleven Months My Love

Eleven months

How has time flown so quickly and how have you gotten so big??

You crake all over. While trying to pull up everywhere. You'll be walking in no time. 

Your vocabulary is going, well your baby talk vocabulary. I can understand when you try to say 'thank you'. 'Dat??!?' Translates to 'that?'

Dahdahdahdah translates to 'mommy'

my love you are handling this move so well. I am so very proud of you. 

You experienced your first Fourth of July and you rocked it. At one point you tried to reach out and grab the lights. The booms never scaring you. Surprisingly the fireworks our neighbors shot never woke you. 

You been in two swings and they almost as cool as sliced bread. 

d

And tonight my love you fell asleep on my shoulder as I rocked you back and fourth in your new room. One arm wrapped around me as the other was swaddled up. 

Forgive me because sometimes I forget you just wanted to be held and rock. 

But remember, always remember, done days I need you more than you need me. 

Oh Hello There

Hi! My name is Corrin and I am terrible about blogging. I try, I really do. But with being a single mommy, working a lot of hours, being easily distracted (it's bad it really is...), and finding some great new friends, it's been hectic. I do have quite a few posts up my sleeve (aka a lot if photos I want off my phone.) 

I don't even know where to start, aside from being pretty darn stressed everything is going well. The stress is a side affect of indecision and trying to find a house (or NICE apartment) for LM and I to move to. I have been literally on the verge of crying over it for a few days. I hate moving anyways. 

LittleMiss has started crawling!! And pulling herself up on things. Ohmygosh u love that kid. 

We took this picture just yesterday. 😍😍

She worries me just a little. She's weighed 16pounds for quite a few months (at least four). But she eats like crazy so I have no idea what it could be. 

That's all I've got :/ just a quick post to let you know I haven't forgotten you. 

9Months??

See that sass?? Yeah she my daughter, 100%, there is no doubt. 

((Also while I have your attention, there are two or three other posts I have fallen asleep writing at least twice. But this one takes president.))

Todsy is my little loves 9month birthday. :))

Every day I am proud to be her mommy. 

Since it was a rainy-stormy day the daycare kids stayed inside and had art time. I'm so beyond thankful her teacher sends me pictures. Especailly beautiful gems like the above. Even though LittleMiss wanted to try eating the paint she had a good time playing with it. I can but wait to give her spaghettii. 

Now I wasn't really looking forward to Mother's Day this year(more on that later), but this card made everything better. I came home to it and had to try very hard not to cry. First card 'from LittleMiss'. The absolute best {yet}. 

Once I got home and ate almost everything in sight it was cuddle time!! We watched Mulan, I sang every song and the wee one was hooked to it for about 80% of the movie. She had a few tiny bites if a tiny brownie after her dinner. 

Boy I boy did she have a blast. I will do almost anything to hear that amazing, heart warming, pure giggle of hers. When I am having a bad day, when I feel like I can't hold on to anything anymore, God sends me that giggle. It's fantastic how she smiles like I do, with her whole face. 

The next best part came when I wrapped her up in her little monster towel(which was fitting because she was very much done with bath time when she was done). She thought it was the neatest. 

It's do beautiful the little person she is becoming. We had leap this week, I don't know exactly what it was but LittleMiss has changed. Her movements are more controlled, her ability to change focus immediately on things, as well as her words. LittleMiss loves food. She will try and generally eat anything. Although it took a few tries before peas enticing. 

Anytime we see a dog she will burst into a smirk and a laugh. Especially if they bark at something or do a trick. 

Any and every music can make this gorgeous girl smile, baby dance and clap. Especially blues, rock, and country. And Christian. As long as there is guitar and real instruments, she is happy. 

Crawling has yet to happen. This girl is stubborn. She wants to do it, she could do it, but then she gets annoyed about being on her tummy. :/ 

I can't wait to see what leaps she makes within this month. 

A {glimpse} at Warm Weather Days

LittleMiss enjoying a lazy day in the sunshine on the shoreline. 

I was lucky enough to leave work and still have a chance to enjoy time with my wee one.  Because this is only our second and last day of nice weather this week

 (tomorrow is supposed to be like winter) we went to the lake. She really liked the waves. 

We has a good time, she even fell asleep for a little bit after I put her in her carrier. 

I'm pretty sure she liked the bumpy stroller ride and seeing all the rocks and waves. 

I may have collected quite a few adorable little shells. 

Then we came home and sat outside for a while soaking up the warmth. 

I love the days I can really spend time with my LittleMiss. 

Unbirthday Weekend

It is LittleMisses ' Unbirthday ' weekend!! I can't believe she is already six months old.

To top it off she also has her two bottom front teeth!! I can't believe it, I almost cried when I felt them. :)

Honestly, the LittleMiss that I now have compared to the LittleMiss that I had a few days ago is very different. She is so much more aware, attentive and absorbent. 

She loves celery. I can't believe it. 

Her dancing has increased.  

Her eyes are still a little blue. 

Her laughter beautiful. 

She's still doing her beautiful baby gabber. 

Tummy time is still barely tolerated. But she has started doing wiggles, getting ready to crawl. 

She has her two bottom front teeth. I really had to try very hard not to cry when I felt them. 

For her six month birthday she had her very first cupcake :)

She made such a mess. I can not (well I can!!) for her one year smash cake. 

Her sugar high last 15-20minutes and was hilarious. :) dancing, talking, randomly laughing. 

I'm so proud of the big girl she is becoming :)

Wordless Wednesday

The title is a lie. But this picture demands words:

All of LittleMiss' diapers come from the Honest Company. They are amazing! Very absorbent, chemical free AND when you order diapers the donate diapers to a Family in need. 

Well for her new diapers, not only did Flavio hand pick them for me, but I managed to order her some lumber jack ones!! 

Yeah. I'm awesome. 

{Please take a look at The Honest Company through the link on the left hand side if the screen. They have amazing products :) not JUST for babies )

'I work out!'

Hopefully that song is stuck in your head ;)

Like I mentioned in my previous post, I had a fantastic hippy time Sunday hiking with LittleMiss and Miss Barr, which inspired me to really get going with getting back in the gym. :)

Our hike was four miles of ups and down, twist and turns. Thank God no wild animals wanted to join us :) I honestly was worried we would meet a mountain loin or a bear or snake. The only wild life we ran into: an armadillo {aka living road kill ;) 

I'm hoping to go every Sunday, because I'm a little bit too chicken to go alone, I really really hope I can convince someone to come with me when Miss Barr is unavailable. :( 

The hike really reawakened my love of working out :) the soreness of my muscles, the deep breaths of air that expanded my lungs and the sense of joy was superb. Not to mention the scenery was beautiful. :) 

So Monday I very happily went to the gym to do cardio. I love cardio :)

This a picture after my hour of treadmill(running intervals) and stearmaster. I was much sweatier than I look! 

As you can tell from today's apparel, I don't care what I look like AT the gym because I am there to feel better about myself.

 Last year I actually worked for a gym, so it became even more of a pet peeve to see all the girls come in looking for a husband (cutesy work out clothes, make-up, nails and hair done). I have yet to know what my weight is, and I'm not really worried about it. Life isn't about that number on the scale, it's about how you feel. 

Do you feel healthy?

Do you feel confident?

Do you feel happy?

I care more about how my clothes feel than what the scale says. Besides, muscle ways more than fat. True story, remember it. I'm very thankful that working out is also bringing my appetite (for healthy foods) back. 

A Quick Weekend {Recap}

My weekend was actually pretty entertaining. Well I don't really remember Saturday, I think I had a five hour nap and watched Harry Potter. But don't quote me ;)

Remember that promising romance? Canceled. 

Hard core canceled. 

Sunday was pretty great! Went on a four mile hike

That's right LittleMiss went to. Definitely got a good work out in from carrying her. It was so much fun to walk, talk and just see nature. Also dual burning calories was great(hiking AND breast feeding, talk about hippy moment) 

Then the three of us went to another friends house for a birthday party for her youngest! It was fun! And there was the best carrot cake I had ever had in my life.  It was home made, moist, sweet and not overly excessive carrot. It was very difficult for me to only have one piece :(

A fun work meeting took place, after LittleMiss had a screaming bloody murder break down. :/

Out of no where while returning to the CR she started crying like someone had pinched her hard enough to bleed. Miss Barr pulled over so I could soothe the little one, but we drove less than a quarter mile before she was screaming again. We couldn't figure out what was wrong so I stayed in the backseat trying to entertain her, only that didn't last for long. Thankfully she wasn't too bad while Miss Barr was watching her for my work meeting :)

Oh and my parents got a new awesome fridge :)

How was your weekend lovelies?

Saturday smiles

As you can see her BooBoo is gone. :)

Thank God :)

It actually healed really quickly and really well, probably two or three days ago. Now she just has a little red mark where there will be a 'scar' for a few months.