2016 {goals}

Whether or not you write them down, or tell others there is a strong chance that you will make New Years Resolutions. Lose weight, read more, cook at home more yada-yada. Generally the resolutions are generic, yet occasionally meaningful and inspiring. I don't think I shared mine last year, and the only reason I'm sharing them this year is so that I can keep myself accountable through you.

Little Rock, oh, Little Rock {pt1}

I had a great weekend in Little Rock.

It was better than I expected, even though I wasn't sure what to expect. As it always does with TheBeardedWonder, time flew by. The drive to was fun (he fell asleep, so I jammed out. DriverSeat dancing... Singing Solos...), the sights were great even though we only saw a small portion. 

While Little Rock has very dangerous areas, and is very hood, everyone was truly nice, as well as friendly.

Learning to Live Again

I'm not sure if 'again' is correct, honestly. Although thinking about it, I haven't been near this happy since I was a kid before we moved out to Arkansas. 

It's seems that I have found some one who loves the outdoors, and adventures as much as I do. He has been teaching me a bit about cycling, great places to hike, and accepts my weirdness, as well as my child with open arms. He is his own person, who loves his children, as much as I love LittleMiss. 

Although things are new between he and I, his support of my love for adventure is helping to make it great. Yet this relationship isn't the only thing this post is about. 

See, I'm finally eating more, my depression doesn't consume me as frequently, my anxiety is not as high, and my creativity is resurfacing. I realized a few weeks ago that I have buried a large part of me down, attempting to kill off what makes me happy. Upon that realization, I knew had to do something to change it. I needed to live again. While being the primary caregiver to my beautiful baby girl will never not be my top priority, I have decided that doing what makes me happy is important as well. It too needs to be tended to. 

Riding my bicycle has been the biggest help yet. From short errands, to blowing off steam, I love how much confidence  in my riding I have gained over the past month. 

I've fallen in love with rock climbing and can not wait to join my best friend to climb again. 

Hiking is becoming a part of my life again, as well as simply walking around town, visiting new stores, meeting new people. 

I'm so excited to make several purchases for my new love of outside: kayaks, hammocks, bicycle gear...

While I haven't painted in over a month, I'll be picking up my brushes again this week to begin the fun once more. 

But on this short journey I've made thus far, I'm also realizing how closed off I am to people. While I am considered a people person, and I do enjoy social interaction, I have made sure to not let those new faces get closer that absolute face value. Maybe one day I'll go into detail as to what has driven me to be as such. 

The point is that I wouldn't mind making more friends, having more groups to hike, bike ride, or swim with. Ha! Or simply grab a cup of coffee to discuss a book or life. 

Yes there are sour apples of people out there, but that doesn't mean everyone deserves to be shut out. 

Even as such I find myself following the advice given to me by several people: daily forgiveness. Not only to those who have caused me great pain, but also of myself. It's not going end over night, but it is becoming easier day by day. 

So this is my promise to myself, and my tiny family, I am going to live again. I am going to go on adventures, continually trying new things, and not let bitterness win. I will reside in happiness, never allowing my anger to control me. 

"It is not the pursuit of happiness, but the happiness of pursuit."

Paint Chips

Usually people use these things for selecting paint colors for their home, or a few pieces of furniture. And thanks to Pinterest, a whole slew of crafts can now be imagined or reimagined with them. 

A mixture of both is the reason I have so many. But tonight they served an even greater purpose. You see it's late here in the southern mid-west, and my LittleMiss was put to bed early so that she would stop being a cranky monster. Unfortunately my neighbor decided they wanted to do some yard work as the sun was setting, which did nothing to help the recently put to bed little baby or my sinus head ache. This absolutely did not help my already foul mood. 

Have you figured out how this story ends?

No? Okay, I'll fill you in. 

LittleMiss and I shared some almond-yogurt with fruit, finding ways to wear her out and make a few memories. One of our biggest accomplishments this month is walking, we're up to oh-gosh about 10steps before she falls on her bottom. I cheer her on with each boom, uh-oh, and owie. Amidst our living room tickles, adventures and giggles she found the paint chips mommy had had neatly packed away. 

Slowly she pulled a few out and put them away, sort of.
Then I pulled a few more out to show her the colors, and she put them where they had previously been. trying to coax her into having fun, I started spreading them out.

"Mom, mom what are you doing? You're making a mess."

Then I started getting a few giggles when I tossed them in the air. I wasn't getting the desired messy effect, so I started "makin' it rain".

That opened the flood gate of giggles.
So more of a mess had to be made, more colors explored.
I handed her a few cards and let her throw them. While it was indeed a dangerous act and I am surprised I survived with no battle wounds she had fun.

I coaxed her into crawling into my lap so that she could have more of a throwing range. A bit more dangerous for me, yet it gave me a beautiful closeness and a chance to take her hands to show the funnest way of dispersing the paint chips.


My Paint Chip Princess. 

Even though my neighbor originally {unintentionally} put me in a particularly furthered bad mood, my night ended well. It made me feel like a more accomplished mommy, spending time with LittleMiss, making her laugh with {I would like to think} a little bit of learning.

Yes there is a mess to clean, but it's the best mess I've had to clean yet.