Sadly It Will Happen

I'm going to let myself get over you. To move past all of those smiles, those talks of the future in passing. To cry. I'm going to LET myself cry, not like before when it simply snuck up on me.
But that scares me sweetheart.
It scares me to let myself move on.
I know the saying, let it go if it comes back its yours if it doesn't it never was yours.
But that what if pops in my head: what if you do come back but it's too late?
Because slowly its reaching that point. The point where as much as I miss falling asleep in your arms, as rare as it was, the longing is growing less and less. The point where going my day without your name popping up on my phone or your voice, calling to see that I've made it home safe after work, it's all going back to normal.

I've read so many books that have a heroine who has to be strong, she's taking care of so many people(family, friends, herself) that it's second nature. At some point a hero enters the book, at first it may not even be the right hero or the right moment for that hero. Most often it's at the least expected time.
Just like you. Sort of.
I had written you off like any other boy, one who caught my eye but couldn't catch my attention. Then you did it, you managed to grab my attention.

I was hopefully at first, that our story hasn't ended, that this was just the cliff hanger or the in-between chapters the fluff they use to fill the pages. Only, I would like to think, the fluffy has covered enough empty space.
So my conclusions are just that: this is the end.
After the new year I would love to grab lunch, maybe I'll still try to do that. I hate to part and not have a friend from this experience. I've had shorter lived romances, but not ones as connected as this.
I've apologized once, or was it twice?, for a few of the things I've said. I'm usually calm, there are just a few buttons that make my blood boil and cause me not to think all that clearly.
What stinks are the subtle reminders of you. Every relationship has reminders long after the ending, but the firewood on my porch will probably be there for quite a while. My sisters wedding I asked you to attend with me, I'll probably go alone now.
I'm checking the spot you used to park in less and less. I think I did it a bit out of fear and hopefulness.
I'll always remember a little bit of you, I'll always have a small piece of you in my heart.
I know you will probably never read this. I'm sure very few IF any will read it. Ha my cheeks are blushing at the thought that some one might. If so I apologize that this isn't a very happy go lucky Christmas post. But again my fingers are typing what my heart and reluctant mind are saying.
To whom this post is for, if we don't talk again, if we don't have lunch after the new year, then I wish you and your family a bounty of joy and blessings. Even when you don't get along remember how they love you, quite a lot from everything you've told me. I hope this new year is one of the best you've seen in a long time and that the bad times, when they come because they will and always do, that they are followed by fantastic times.

Sweet dreams.