Green light

I really wanted to blog tonight. But my mood went south. Very very south in an even worse way about 40 minutes ago. :/

Coach Potato

Ah the couch potato. I have not been one of those in a long time but hey here I am layin on the couch, texting and watching Teen Mom. 

Which by the way, whats her name...Amber? I'm worried she's fried her brain with drugs. As she sits there talking to her grief counselor she seems very stoned. I know that's a little harsh. 

I have a bunch of photos to upload. but it took about half an hour for me to upload about six of them to face book, so you will have to wait until tomorrow..

In the mean time I started my diet to today.. 

Then the end of the day happened and I crashed.

Why? You may ask.

I'll tell you:

About 750 a guest came into the store and I 'volunteered as tribute' ;) .They were a very friendly couple and I had absolutely no problem helping them. They even purchased a table and 8chairs and our repair/replace plan. Fantastic. :)

I didn't leave til about...930. I was starving. I ate 5cookies. I could barely stop myself. So my two days of starting the diet will be turned into four days. Woohoo. No pain no gain right?? Needless to say I was a little flustered after I left work. 

An old close friend of mine ended up texting me and asking if I wanted to go to dinner and catch up; I agreed. So we'll be meeting for dinner at 7pm tomorrow. I will be very strictly sticking to the diet. All I can eat is fish and two veggies. So that is all that's gonna happen. :)

I also can't believe I'm doing this but here are my Start Pictures. The Weight Loss pictures will be uploaded Sunday, Monday or Tuesday, you can guarantee one of those days. I don't know my starting weight. And I won't be using a scale for a while. Less pressure that way. Although come July 1st I will have to; we are doing a weight loss competition and it ends that day. 

Well I'm rambling so here are the pictures, I guess I should attempt to go to sleep after all I was just 

informed it's one in the morning. Don't know how that happened!!

This one was supposed to be cropped..thanks for failing me iPhone. 

Gramas

I love them.
They are fantastic.
Especially mine. Both of them.
I called my Grammy. My moms mom. I spent two hours and sixteen minutes talking with her. We haven't talked that long in a very very very long time. It was great, and so much fun. So now not only am I gong to be calling my mom almost every day, I'll also be talking to my Grammy at least two to three times a week.

While talking to my Grammy I had several confirmations. And there will be quite a few changes in my life. At some point I met tell you ALL of them, but for now, just one step at a time.

I'll be starting a diet tomorrow; very exciting and I'll be stepping my game up at work with the management program AND sales. Major stepping up of my game.

Okay! Gotta take some 'before pictures' and get groceries.

talk soon!!

Bid you ado!

It my last day in Oregon.
I've got quite a few emotions running through me. But no matter what they are Friday morning as soon as I get to work I have to put on a smile and motivate the store I'll be working at. They are short staffed so I'll be there this weekend.

Well the over all of this weekend was a success. I got to spend some time with my grandpa. Not enough but so very much better than none.
I found out my father is engaged. Something no one is happy about. I'll try not to go into to much detail yet.
I didn't get to spend too much time with my dad since his "fiancé" was attached to his hip. But I was able to get a few of my grandmas shirts,sweaters, a few drawings and a few books. I'll also be getting a necklace with her thumbprint in about two weeks. Now I just need my grampas thumbprint. I'll have to figure that one out soon.
I plan on getting a tattoo in every state I visit... So I'll have 50.

Can't think if anything else to write so end of story.

Mockingjay

"Well MP I just finished the mockingjay and I think you would really like the series. It's grabbing and not as predictable as I had thought.
It was cute. I sat in a chair in the dining room covered in a blanket my grandmother had sewn. The chair is next to an old cast iron stove. Duke, my grandfathers dog only left his spot from laying in front of me when the other (idiotic) dogs thought there was something to bark at, even then he was only gone a few seconds. What did get annoying is how protective he is. Duke does not like the other dogs when he is guarding me.
It's actually bitter sweet because I think springer spaniels are a superb breed. But I'm not happy about how overly protective they are. We have come to a few conclusions on this behavior though. (the one I am thinking is the most accurate) one is that he can't stand my aunts other four dogs anymore than the rest of us and since he is a dog he sees her as the leader of one of the most worthless packs ever. The other is that he is a dog that doesn't like other dogs.
And for the record the petals fell as I was reading my book so I used what I had for a photo opp. ;) but the petals really should be white.



Also if any series can have me tear up at multiple times in each book, it's pretty good.

I hope you have a very uneventful flight!! Can't wait to hear from you when you land!

Sent from my iPhone"

Here is a picture of my chair I mentioned and the email I sent to a very very good friend of mine who is finally on his way home from Afghanistan. Not his home home, but where he is stationed in Hawaii.
He is a fantastic guy. :)

Oh and as to my aunts dogs. I think they are all very cute...when apart and not all together. Honestly very very cute!

A man and his dog

I'm sitting here in the master bedroom of my grandparents house with my grandfather.

As I first entered the room I was greeted with a pungent smell. I can't quite describe it other than a mix between the smell of the elderly, the lingering of his pipe tobacco and what none of us like to admit, he'd been change shortly before. Yet as I sit here I've grown used to it. My grandfather lighting his tobacco pipe and bringing the room back to the smell I love.
You have to admit, the smell of a tobacco pipe makes you feel at home and think about warm christmas' in front of the fire place surrounded by family. Or thanksgiving dinner touching elbows with those you love, playfully fighting over the cranberry sauce. All those memories and more are held in that simple puff of tobacco smoke.
I have learned that although my grandfather does not drink beer he does prefer fat tire ale. His favorite day time drink is a bloody Mary and after six o'clock he prefers a martini. Although the times may vary.

All my life my grandparents have had springer spaniels as a part of the family and I've loved them all. Although I've only lived through three. It has been the first and this current one, Duke, that have cause me to fall in love with them. On my return home I'll be looking into bringing one into my home. Preferably I'd rather go to pound to find one but either way I will have one.

I missed too many opportunities to learn details about my deceased grandmother. Something I will no longer take for granted with my living grandparents. Just as I strongly urge all of you, even if you are not fond of your remaining few.

Surrounded by Flowers

Lots of flowers. Very beautiful flowers.
Not the ones you would associate with a funeral either. Because, as it were, those are NOT the flowers my grandmother would want.
She was a beautiful woman. 'Who saw every wild flower as if there had never been one before' (part of her eulogy, written by my aunt.) It's interesting how true that statement is. She loved flowers.

There are so many beautiful flowers. And while it still hurts that she is gone, the wounds are healing, and I can start to see all the flowers. The ones she loved. And the birds. The ones she loved to sit and watch. There is not a single bad word anyone can say about my grandmother. If they try there will be more than one person to shut them up...with plenty of good things.

I have so many many pictures to post and it's only sunday. Not to mention there are tons that I am sure will be posted to facebook.

So it has been a very very bitter sweet weekend.

I have a few more things to post about but for now I'll leave you with a few pretty pictures.



Trail, Oregon

I made it. I am here. I landed at 1040local time, 1240 Arkansas time.

The flights were relatively nice, but with my lack of sleep from the night before I was pretty miserable.

I've gotten better at breaking the ice with my family which is fantastic. And although the feeling is relatively the same there is a certain air that is missing.

There are, if I have counted correctly, five dogs. I'm not sure how my grandpa sleeps through their barking but he does a fantastic job. As my aunt said, 'they do not need an alarm system'. I will say I think they are all very cute, especially when not barking.

I have yet to see grandpa. But I know I will soon. My sister is flying in at midnight, she and her fiancé will be staying at one of the local hotels. I'm excited to meet him.

I'm takin tons of pictures of the house before too much more is changed. I'm not sure exactly when I'll be able to be back, before the end of the year, but that's still a few months away.

Oh let's see...
I stayed the night in the downstairs bedroom(pretty much a very nice basement). It was freezing cold! But I woke up relatively warm, sleeping under several blankets and once my body heat stayed with me. Not entirely sure what woke me up; I slept throughout the entire time my eyes closed til this morning. Hasn't happened in a while.

I'm happy to report my allergies are gone.

That's about all the updating I have for the moment but more will come. Alon with pictures plenty of pictures.

(no idea what to put here)

Oh gosh.
I can't even tell you how much has happened since whenever the hell my last post was. My apartment is almost entirely furnished, I'm working on decorating it. I am manager in training.
But most importantly my grandmother died. I found out Friday. Outwardly I am a million times better than I was Friday. I was very hysterical and got very drunk that night. It's sad that I have become so good at plastering smiles on my face and how easily I let myself be used. I'd say the former is worse than the latter, but they are greatly equal.
Either way all I want to do every day is curl up in someone's arms and cry, or just cry curled up in a little ball. St the same time I want to build my walls sky Hugh and shove everyone away. I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore
I feel so lost. I can't imagine how my grandfather, father and aunt feel. I feel horrible that I can't be there fast enough. And I'm only staying six days.
I wish people understood how much family means to me. Even my group friends that call ourselves family.
Oh gosh I have so many ramblings. Probably cuz it's 130am.....