Update/Ramblings

She is perfect. And I am so in love.
Her little squeaks while she sleeps, her silly faces, her attentive eyes and tiny ears. Just everything about her. So far she eats more than I ever thought a new baby would, and is a poop machine. Pooping more than I thought, which I don't really know what I thought. I think last night alone I changed four or five poopy diapers. After she pooped in our postpartum herb bath.

"I'm just a poop machine, and I don't work for nobody but you!!"

Just wait, when you have your little one, you're going to find how crazy it is that you love this little one so much. That you get lost just staring at them and holding them and the day flies by.

That you laugh when they poo because it's just so loud for such a little creature. Yes, it does smell already, but the smell doesn't really get to you...not yet anyways.

While I was baby prepping I was so against having tons and tons of pink in her room or wardrobe. Now, I don't really care. Maybe I still do care a little, but not as much. She is just as cute in pink, as she is in green, or blue. I will say I am very thankful that she mostly has light pinks, so she isn't in a pink over load!

Her going home outfit..which was a size and a half too big.

I can't believe it's already been six days since she made her first cry. It was a short and sweet cry. 

{Photo by my birth photographer}

{Photo by my birth photographer}

Last night in the midst of having our first postpartum bath, she was much more alert. Her little beautiful eyes nice and wide open, taking in the soft light of the bathroom (I have Christmas lights plugged in since the fan connects to the light and is very loud and annoy). I realized she has her fathers eyes. 

And my heart melted. 

Not out of longing for him, but for her. Because she is so beautiful, because she is so smart and because I don't want her to be furious with me in the future. See, I've made my mind up, I will not be going after said sperm-donor for child support. I will love and raise my daughter on my own, until God sends the perfect man for me. In making that decision, and for the most part feeling like it is the correct decision, I do find myself questioning the 10% of me that thinks I should give him another chance to be a father.

That 90% that keeps telling me he does not deserve her keeps winning. So when she is old enough to understand I will explain everything to her. If she decides to find him when she is old enough to do so, I will support her 100%. 

 I hate not holding her. I know that I don't always need to hold her, but I love the skin-to-skin bonding time. I love knowing that my heart beat still soothes her.

My mom tried to tell me that I don't have to hold her, that she will be spoiled. But SweetPea is only six days old, there is no way that she will be spoiled from holdings.

 I feel a little bad; I have been blowing facebook up with photos of her. But it's really hard not to. I mean look at that cuteness!!!

Monday I'm going to start working on getting back into shape. I'm excited. I'll be posting pictures frequently. I've already been watching what I eat and all. I'm pretty excited to be honest. We (little one and I) will be going for walks! Maybe starting/joining a Mommy work out group! Who knows!

Baby Power!