{It's a hold me kind of day}

Says little miss with her cries, and whimpers and pouting bottom lips. 

And I feel guilty. There are scones to be made, hours that need worked so bills can be paid. But I feel guilty. 

You're sad eyes calling for mommy to hold you are met with poor excuses of attempts to sooth you to sleep. 

Your sparkling eyes light up when you're spoken to or smiled at or sang too, those illuminate my life. But have been few and far between today. 

I want to sit and cry, if only for just a few minutes. Perhaps tonight while you are with MissBC I have the opportunity. But truly I do not have the luxury of crying. 

I need to stay strong, for you my Little Miss. A strong sturdy role model. What good would my tears do anyhow? What would I be crying for anyways? 

It's been a "hold me mommy, tell me you love me" kind of day. But in my selfishness I have turned a blind eye to what you truly wanted. Please forgive me. 

Right now you seem contently asleep in my arms. One palm resting on your face the other as wrapped around me as your tiny arm can be. I finally realized what your wee demands were and gave in. Those hours that need worked will happen after a bit of cuddling and a few I love you's are spoken. 

It interesting how many things I must relearn or remind myself that now I am a mommy. Be it stress or old habits returning against my will I have not ate like a nursing mother should. I have forgotten to keep up with my vitamins and allowed my home to turn into a huge mess. 

Little Miss has been acting as though her tummy hurts and I have noticed a huge drop in my milk production. Stress, lack of proper nutrition and sleep I am sure are all playing huge factors into that. In attempts to sooth her discomfort I'll be doing another elimination diet, the culprit I am sure is gluten. Again. 

I am exhausted. I am stressed. I am annoyed. I am hungry without the want to eat. I am thirsty with out the ability to drink. I have a million things running through my mind, and what feels like no one to talk to them about. 

(Photo from earlier today)