Sometimes you {{Forget}}

Sometimes the pressures, expectations, worldly views, all of that makes us just forget.

Where we came from, where we wanted to go, who we wanted to be, what we need to be. Like my last post that I need to apologize for. It is tremendously nice of my parents to open up their home and allow my daughter and I to move back in. I am so thankful.

Yet, the type A prideful personality I have along with all of the outside views pushes me with my want to be the best. 'I should be able to fully provide for my daughter, on my own, in my own home.' 'I need a new car. New clothes. Nice things. Name brand.'

But the truth is, I have yet to even finish my associates degree. I have debt at 22 years old. The world pressures us to work(most of the time at a job we can't stand [I love my job FYI]), to buy things we don't need or can't really afford to impress people we don't really like. Creating a beautiful circle of debt.

I put so much pressure on myself. 'I have to be strong, I have to be that stand up single mom who has her stuff together. I have to be my daughters rock. I have to make up for my mistakes and my inability to provide a father for her.'

But I can't do those things. I can't be her rock, only Jesus can, because I am going to continually fail her. There is no way I will ever be able to have my stuff together. Nor can I make up for her not having a father, or provide one for her. Only God can fill in that hole in her heart and mine, only he can bring someone into our lives to prove as the Godly head of our household.

HE has brought some fantastic godly people into our lives though. Her Godfather/Kunkle is a great role model, a fantastic family that I can't thank God enough for bringing into our lives. In fact, I can't thank God enough for the amazing church that God brought us to. So many people love her, and have helped care for her. I can't thank them enough either.

Even though I've been feeling a tugging on my heart to live a more simplified life, I still feel that pressure of having the nicest/newest things. Name brand dishes, furniture clothes. But I don't need it.
My car is not new, it is not even that nice, but it gets me from point A to point B. Keeps me cool and keeps me warm. So I am finding a new love for it.

Sometimes you just forget:
What you need isn't always what you want. It's a tough lesson.