This is something that has been long and coming. I'm sure I have spoken about it a few times, touched on it once or twice, but never really talked about it. On here anyways. Remember Peacock? There are a few postings of him, but I never actually talked about him or how we met. It was all out of respect to him. His situation.
Ha, where do I really start with this.... Ugh this is going to be long.
I was going through a divorce a few years ago when I stopped into a Best Buy to look at phones. This really attractive guy was working the phone department, he flirted a little. Later I asked a friend who also worked there about the really cute guy. They told me that he was engaged. Total bummer. But oh well, I moved on pretty quickly in those days.
Fast forward about a year-ish. I'm working at a local gym and they transferred me to another location. Being the only one of two girls who work there on a regular basis I got hit on quite a lot. One night a few weeks after I started at the new location this really cute guy came in. He looked familiar but had never previously left any type of impression on me. This cute guy came in all cocky like he was God's gift to women, not all that impressive to be honest. Guys like that really didn't and do not interest me that much. Maybe nice to look at, but conversation lulls relatively quickly and I like steady intellectual conversations.
Well I conned him in to giving me some friends to contact to see if they were interested in joining the gym. I could tell through-out the entire banter that he was trying to get the courage to ask for my number. Me being the smart-ass confident gal I am, asked if he was ever going to do so.
And then I recognized him. The cute was the hottie that worked at Best Buy.
Hotties response was that he wasn't sure if I had a boyfriend or not. I chuckled telling him no. Then asked if he was still engaged. He told me that he had been there and done that.
'So you're married?' I asked.
Lightly he informed me that he was going through a divorce. To which I slightly connected with him. We exchanged numbers and even went out on one date. Some how a friend of mine sort of knew him, and his ex-wife. She informed me that he had a child, a little boy. It was the night I went to the White Trash Party. Anyways we talked about his little boy, but at the time I did not want kids let alone anyone else's kids, so that only furthered my uninterested.
After that night we really didn't talk much, I wasn't that interested in seeing him again. Until he came into the gym with his little boy. Adorable, cute little boy. "Tell the pretty lady to text daddy later," he said to his son. And I was not going to text him. But then his little boy tripped on the way to our child care area and fell. Then when he thought that no one was looking and his attention was on his little boy, I saw a different side of him. The side that just about any girl would fall for, he loved his little boy, he cared for his little boy.
Maybe just maybe he wasn't just a cocky want-to-be gym rat who only thought he was God's gift to women. So I caved, I text him. We hung out again, and again, and again. We had started to see each other. But because I thought he was still working on his custody battle of his divorce I made sure to keep thing extra quite.
My parents met him, they loved him.
December I was late for my period, as most pregnancies go. But I was cramping pretty frequently, so 'any day now, any day' it would start. You know, ladies, that feeling right before a period starts: bloated, crampy. Well just in case I went ahead and bought a few tests. For some reason I did it while I was with Peacock, at the store that is. I'm not going to say what he said, or suggested. But lets just say I was a bit surprised.
I've had three miscarriages so I really didn't think that I was pregnant. But a few days later when I took the test. It was on a sunday, in just a few seconds it showed that yes I (am) pregnant. I took another test because what if that was a false positive. Again within just a few seconds it showed that I was indeed pregnant. I cried for about half an hour. What would this do to Peacock? Yes that's correct he was my first though. Would this affect his custody battle?
Because as I found out he hadn't even contacted a lawyer, the divorce hadn't even really begun. Just the separation.
Then I cried for me. I wasn't ready for this.
I text Miss OKC to tell her. I had always wanted to do it in a cute way, a card, a letter a picture, something other than "Ohmygod, I'm pregnant."
She responded to tell me to be careful, to wait and take another test. Just incase it was a chemical pregnancy or just incase I have another miscarriage. I did so. I waited until Wednesday took one more. It too was positive. I then waited until Saturday and took another test for it to confirm exactly what the previous three had stated. I had this cute way that I was going to tell him all planned out. I had purchased some tissue paper, had a cute bag and a few very cute baby clothes put in there. I also drew a few cute picture of a little piggy bank. The title was "Our Little Sweetpeas First Piggybank".
But I never got to give it to him. Because that Saturday we got into a huge fight and our break-up commenced. It started with me inviting him to an Ugly Sweater Party. He didn't want to go. He had been refusing to see me for the past few days. I asked if we could just talk for a few minutes, I really needed to see him. He refused. After15-20 or so minutes I told him. I had been crying for most of the text conversation.
His response was, 'Do you think I'm f****** stupid? I knew.'
Honestly he could have clued me in on that, because I sure as crap didn't know.
Anyways, he wanted me to have it "taken care of" an abortion. I freaked out. How dare he? How could he?
It was a few days discussion. He informed he his family would disown him? Be furious. That he had promised his son he would never be like his own father; that he would always be there for him.
Something I don't understand, never will understand, is how he can abandon one child or another. How any parent can love one child and not the other in that sort of way. Yes I understand being more please with one child than the other, but that's different.
Up Next: How I Cope.
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