All of your {littleness}

**

Sweet girl,

For the a few weeks, or months, you've been so frequently placing your tiny hand on my face at night as we lay in bed about to fall asleep. 

More often than not I swipe your hand away, pleading you to stop, then roughly informing you 'enough is enough'.

In her hands

It's terrifying being a mommy.
I never realized how much of a control freak I could be.
I never knew I could love something or someone so much it quite literally hurts. I never knew how hard fear could grip me. Spiders, zombies, they have nothing compared to the fear of something stoping me from protecting my baby. Fear of something happening to her out of my control, where I can't be there to immediately react. Fear of something happening to me and in turn my inability to protect or watch the little life that formed inside of me grow into a beautiful adult.

As a single mommy I play all roles.
Good guy, bad guy, protector, discipline-r, I am the woman trying to be a good godly mommy/influence, the stern voice telling her not to play with the knives in the dishwasher, the provider, the gourmet chef, the wardrobe planner and washer, diaper changer, and stuffed animal kisser. 

There are never enough hours in day for what my job title entails.
There are never enough seconds during her wake up hugs or random kisses (either the ones that she allows me to give her or the ones she gives me.). The giggles always cut too short, beauty of her young innocence  going too quickly. 

I could never breathe into words what every mother feels; it's too deep, too real, too loving.

I know this seems random but this is just a part of motherhood. I can't tell if I've over posted things like this or if I haven't told you how much I love this tiny human or maybe it's just something I really needed to get off my chest. 

Motherhood, fatherhood, will be your greatest accomplishment and biggest weakness. 

Attachment issues

Yes, I know all parents and children go through the attachment stage where the babies just do not want to be left alone and are constantly with/on the parents, but suddenly it's become an even amount between Little Miss and I. 

She has her days where she doesn't want me to put her down or be out of her sight, and I have my nights where when she's gone I can't sleep. Oh okay, I'll be honest I do not sleep well when LittleMiss is not at home. I know that no matter what when she is with my parents she is overall safe, it doesn't change the fact that she is not in the next room or  laying in bed with me. 

It's even gotten to were my coworkers see me ask, 'You look tired. Did your parents have LittleMiss last night?" Like this morning I had a very very tasty Soy Honey Latte, usually I drink excessively large amounts of green tea which works perfectly. But to day I needed to spice it up a bit. 

Yes I can admit that I am a very over-protective mommy. It comes naturally ;)

Unfortunately it is one of those things that parents must gradually become accustomed to {the children being away thing}. Especially we single working moms.  It's only a little more rough on me since I have begun working two jobs. The feeling of there never being enough time in the day is even more heightened. 

 {I have no idea whats going on with my lip. Some weird shadow. Vanity I know.}

There really is never enough time with this beautiful LittleMonster. 

This evening there was a bit of a miss communication with my second job and I went in for about half an hour. I came home to this:

 

She had dozed off after devouring her dinner, and was in such a deep slumber when I walked in Binson and I were able to have a ten minute conversation using our regular voices. That pretty much never happens; When the LittleMonster is sleeping things must be mostly quiet, for the most part anyways. 

My days are long, my nights are short. My arms more often than not craving to hold my daughter. Even though I feel like we are losing the bond we had, I hope that when she is older, she will understand why I am gone so much. This little one, the love of my life. 

Chilly Driveway Night

It's almost nine o'clock at night and I am sitting in my driveway. Car headlights still on, motor off. 

I'm tired but not sleepy. 

Tears are trying to run over the edges of my eyes. 

I just got off the phone with my parents who are watching my LittleMiss; who I am not exactly pleased with at the moment. The past month and a half has been a complete whirlwind and over all deep down I'm exhausted. 

The first night at my second job went great. I have a feeling I'm going to really enjoy it there! I'm excited for all the goals this job is going to help me reach. 

But it doesn't take away the fact that my parents are watching my daughter tonight, tomorrow morning, tomorrow night and Saturday night. Let's not forget they will probably watch her Sunday night as well as Sunday morning. It doesn't take away the fact that I am having to work two jobs to take of my tiny family (while paying off a "friends" debt). 

I can promise that tonight I will not be sleeping well. I will have at least one stuffed animal sleeping with me, a toddlers sound machine going and probably still wake up around 130(her usual 'mommy I want to nurse and play time'). It's amazing how much someone so tiny can meet to you. 

{14months}

Where oh where has my little babe gone?

She's grown to big for her summer-time clothes.

She understands big words and (mostly) follows direction.
Favorite Foods: Apple.
Most enjoyed past-time: Walking.

But doing baby-version of sprinting is really fun as well. Oh and one of my many proud mommy moments: LittleMiss is now giving high-fives.

She occasionally understands her colors.

And her vocabulary is growing so quickly.

It's been an interesting month, learning new forms of self-expression, meeting new family members, learning new boundaries. Lets not forget the new personality quirks.
Walking around, pretending to talk on the phone.
Sharing, or at least acting like she is going to share...then taking the food away before mommy gets a real bite...
Cleaning.

It's been so amazing watching my little doll grow into a walking-talking-thinking toddler.

And I am so full of love for her.

Paint Chips

Usually people use these things for selecting paint colors for their home, or a few pieces of furniture. And thanks to Pinterest, a whole slew of crafts can now be imagined or reimagined with them. 

A mixture of both is the reason I have so many. But tonight they served an even greater purpose. You see it's late here in the southern mid-west, and my LittleMiss was put to bed early so that she would stop being a cranky monster. Unfortunately my neighbor decided they wanted to do some yard work as the sun was setting, which did nothing to help the recently put to bed little baby or my sinus head ache. This absolutely did not help my already foul mood. 

Have you figured out how this story ends?

No? Okay, I'll fill you in. 

LittleMiss and I shared some almond-yogurt with fruit, finding ways to wear her out and make a few memories. One of our biggest accomplishments this month is walking, we're up to oh-gosh about 10steps before she falls on her bottom. I cheer her on with each boom, uh-oh, and owie. Amidst our living room tickles, adventures and giggles she found the paint chips mommy had had neatly packed away. 

Slowly she pulled a few out and put them away, sort of.
Then I pulled a few more out to show her the colors, and she put them where they had previously been. trying to coax her into having fun, I started spreading them out.

"Mom, mom what are you doing? You're making a mess."

Then I started getting a few giggles when I tossed them in the air. I wasn't getting the desired messy effect, so I started "makin' it rain".

That opened the flood gate of giggles.
So more of a mess had to be made, more colors explored.
I handed her a few cards and let her throw them. While it was indeed a dangerous act and I am surprised I survived with no battle wounds she had fun.

I coaxed her into crawling into my lap so that she could have more of a throwing range. A bit more dangerous for me, yet it gave me a beautiful closeness and a chance to take her hands to show the funnest way of dispersing the paint chips.


My Paint Chip Princess. 

Even though my neighbor originally {unintentionally} put me in a particularly furthered bad mood, my night ended well. It made me feel like a more accomplished mommy, spending time with LittleMiss, making her laugh with {I would like to think} a little bit of learning.

Yes there is a mess to clean, but it's the best mess I've had to clean yet.

9Months??

See that sass?? Yeah she my daughter, 100%, there is no doubt. 

((Also while I have your attention, there are two or three other posts I have fallen asleep writing at least twice. But this one takes president.))

Todsy is my little loves 9month birthday. :))

Every day I am proud to be her mommy. 

Since it was a rainy-stormy day the daycare kids stayed inside and had art time. I'm so beyond thankful her teacher sends me pictures. Especailly beautiful gems like the above. Even though LittleMiss wanted to try eating the paint she had a good time playing with it. I can but wait to give her spaghettii. 

Now I wasn't really looking forward to Mother's Day this year(more on that later), but this card made everything better. I came home to it and had to try very hard not to cry. First card 'from LittleMiss'. The absolute best {yet}. 

Once I got home and ate almost everything in sight it was cuddle time!! We watched Mulan, I sang every song and the wee one was hooked to it for about 80% of the movie. She had a few tiny bites if a tiny brownie after her dinner. 

Boy I boy did she have a blast. I will do almost anything to hear that amazing, heart warming, pure giggle of hers. When I am having a bad day, when I feel like I can't hold on to anything anymore, God sends me that giggle. It's fantastic how she smiles like I do, with her whole face. 

The next best part came when I wrapped her up in her little monster towel(which was fitting because she was very much done with bath time when she was done). She thought it was the neatest. 

It's do beautiful the little person she is becoming. We had leap this week, I don't know exactly what it was but LittleMiss has changed. Her movements are more controlled, her ability to change focus immediately on things, as well as her words. LittleMiss loves food. She will try and generally eat anything. Although it took a few tries before peas enticing. 

Anytime we see a dog she will burst into a smirk and a laugh. Especially if they bark at something or do a trick. 

Any and every music can make this gorgeous girl smile, baby dance and clap. Especially blues, rock, and country. And Christian. As long as there is guitar and real instruments, she is happy. 

Crawling has yet to happen. This girl is stubborn. She wants to do it, she could do it, but then she gets annoyed about being on her tummy. :/ 

I can't wait to see what leaps she makes within this month. 

My Seven Month Girl

 

Happy Seven Month (and 1day) Birthday, My Love!!

 

 

You, my dearest, are making me quite the proud mommy.

Sitting up on your own, for several minutes at a time.

Recognizing and reaching out for me.

Becoming so talkative and giggly.

Able to hold, grasp and carry things. Purposefully reaching for them.

You're tolerating tummy time for longer periods.

Today you even managed to do a backwards type of crawl for about two feet.

Your little head is growing more beautiful hair, the faux hawk slowly fading away! Losing your faux-hawk makes me a little sad, but I can not wait to see how your hair is going to be. Curly? Straight? Brown, reddish?

 

(photo courtesy of meghan116) 

 

 

Sleep well my little love.

I know all too well that soon you will be passing out where ever you're crawling to, or in a pile of whatever toys you've decided to play with. You're independence is growing with every day.

Sleep well my little love, you're safe in my arms and in my lap.

 

 

Unbirthday Weekend

It is LittleMisses ' Unbirthday ' weekend!! I can't believe she is already six months old.

To top it off she also has her two bottom front teeth!! I can't believe it, I almost cried when I felt them. :)

Honestly, the LittleMiss that I now have compared to the LittleMiss that I had a few days ago is very different. She is so much more aware, attentive and absorbent. 

She loves celery. I can't believe it. 

Her dancing has increased.  

Her eyes are still a little blue. 

Her laughter beautiful. 

She's still doing her beautiful baby gabber. 

Tummy time is still barely tolerated. But she has started doing wiggles, getting ready to crawl. 

She has her two bottom front teeth. I really had to try very hard not to cry when I felt them. 

For her six month birthday she had her very first cupcake :)

She made such a mess. I can not (well I can!!) for her one year smash cake. 

Her sugar high last 15-20minutes and was hilarious. :) dancing, talking, randomly laughing. 

I'm so proud of the big girl she is becoming :)